9:00pm: Arrive at bar (take a shot)
9:15pm: See someone you hardly know (take a shot)
9:30pm: Smoke a cigarette
9:37pm: Piss (take a shot)
10:00pm: Think you are handsome enough to hit on girl (take a shot)
10:03pm: Girl leaves after taking shot (take a shot)
10:36pm: Smoke a cigarette
10:45pm: Realize at least at a strip club you can see boobs
11:00pm: See ex’s sister (take a shot)
11:15pm: See ex’s friend (take two shots)
11:28pm: Make ex’s friend smoke cigarette with you
11:53pm: Give stripper a lap dance
12:01am: Buy ex’s sister, ex’s friend, manager, waitress, stripper, bartender, & bathroom attendant a shot
12:24am: Piss and smoke a cigarette
12:37am: Buy ex’s friend a shot and take a fake shot (try not to puke)
1:13am: Watch ex’s sister and ex’s friend dance on stage
1:21am: Order another round of shots for every staff member including valet and busboy
1:46am: Invite ex’s sister and friend to house
2:20am: Purchase after hours beer at $5 a pop from taqueria
2:34am: Arrive at home, invite in ex’s friend & sister, and four neighbors arriving home from bar
2:36am: Take a shot
2:43am: Decide to go swimming
2:47am: Open door to go to the pool and see ex about to knock
2:48am: Watch three strippers fight in your front yard (ex, ex’s friend & ex’s ex friend who is visiting you)
3:12am: Go skinny dipping with ex’s ex friend while neighbor sits at side of pool and drinks beer
4:07am: Have police officer tell you to put your clothes on
4:16am: Find out ex’s ex friend has a boyfriend as he arrives to pick her up
4:47am: Meet next door neighbor for the first time
4:53am: Find out previous tenant of your apartment committed suicide in bathtub
4:53am-Moving Out Date: Never jerk off in the shower again…
