Everytime I wake up after drinking I have to check my cellphone’s recent text log to see who I had drunken texted the night (or morning) before. I always delete these messages, and it’s usually to girls I want to sleep with (but won’t sleep with me), girls I have slept with (and never will sleep with me again), or pictures of my balls or poop. The messages are very well articulated which makes people think I am sober…but I am not…never ever…